In her book, What About Me? Without those moments, your relationship is like a sunburn with no aloe, she says. Is it something they did recently that's making me upset?
Is it something they said? Am I not feeling listened to? That's the real question. Another possibility for hating or resenting your partner is that they're responsible for one action—but a biggie one.
Exhibit A: Your partner moved you across the country for their job. So have a healthy! Greer recommends starting with empathy, thinking about why your partner might be behaving in this particular way.
Then go ahead and say how you feel—without blaming. Once you've initiated the "here's what's up" convo and your spouse has had a chance to voice their part, it's time to move on to the resolution bit.
How do we avoid this going forward? Oftentimes, hating your partner is really just about feeling like whatever they're doing or not doing is never going to change.
But there can't be change if you don't communicate. If things still don't change for the better after you've talked out your grievances, you might want to seek out professional guidance. For example, he might have said something hurtful to you. You would potentially hate him for one or two days and then move on. This answer can give you valuable insight on how to fix the problem. As you can probably imagine, hating your boyfriend every day is a lot different than hating him for a little bit once in a while.
More serious issues can occur the longer you hate him. One of the best ways to do this is by keeping track of when you hate him. Perhaps you can keep a note on your smartphone or write in a journal about it. You should write down as many details as possible about the situation and your feelings. Write down any triggering situations or statements. If possible, go into detail about how you have interpreted these feelings as being hateful. These clues will be helpful later on. You might have a clearer, fresher perspective at this point.
The problem is that, when you are all worked up about something, it is hard to see other perspectives. Since you were so upset with your boyfriend when you wrote in your journal, you might have seen it as being a bigger deal than it was.
There is always the chance that you will still be upset and feel the same way about the situation, but just give this a try. This can be a pretty challenging feeling to sort out. You think that you hate your boyfriend, but you also think that you love him.
Interestingly enough, this particular blend of feelings is quite common. Many girls feel this way about their boyfriends. Some wives even feel this way about their husbands. You might feel weird thinking about this situation. How could you both hate and love someone? One possibility is that you love someone so you spend a lot of time with them. Because of this, you get tired of them or frustrated. These feelings can often feel like hatred. If you still love your boyfriend while hating him, you should try to focus on the reasons that you love him.
You might find success from spending some time apart from each other too. Maybe you hate him because you see him too much. It can be hard to make sense of this odd combination of feelings. One major reason that you may feel like you hate your boyfriend is if his lifestyle is much different than yours or if you disagree with some of the things he is doing.
For example, you might dislike the fact that he plays too many video games or goes out drinking with his friends too often. You can be different. The two of you are unique, but you still make it work. Of course, sometimes these differences can be annoying.
They can interfere with the way the relationship works and how you get along with each other. He could feel the same way about you and your lifestyle too. It simply depends on how you deal with the differences you have.
You can try working it out, but you may have already made up your mind. There is no way that you can date someone who is the same exact person as you. Because of this, you and your boyfriend are bound to have some differences. In some cases, this will lead to feelings of hatred. When you share the same respect for each other, you are allowing each other to be yourself.
You may not like that your boyfriend plays golf with his friends every weekend. The only way that this really affects you is that you get less time with him, right?
Work on being more supportive. You might offer to go watch one day. You might get him a new club for his birthday. This depends on the guy. Think about past situations with your boyfriend and how observant or oblivious he has been. There is not always consistency here. Still, a more observant guy will be more likely to pick up on certain things. This is true of all people. He might be trying to see how much you care by treating you unusually.
Now, nobody is going to be overjoyed if you tell them that you hate them. Just be very cautious. That said, too much negativity can affect the health of your relationship, so if you notice these feelings popping up more and more, talking to a therapist may be a good next step. Crystal Raypole has previously worked as a writer and editor for GoodTherapy. Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health.
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Health Conditions Discover Plan Connect. Medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, Ph. First, know your feelings are entirely normal. Try to name what you really feel. Walk it off. Explore whether the relationship is still meeting your needs. Recognize what triggers the feeling. Look at it from their perspective. Work it out. Talk to people you trust. Focus on the positive. Talk to a therapist. The bottom line. Read this next.
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